@JohnHilsen: Humans are 58% water. Jellyfish are 95% water. Therefore, humans are 61% jellyfish.
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@UnicornSyrup: Whenever people say "anything is possible", I think about trying to staple pudding to a tree.
@Scott_A_Gilmore: 'Kyrgyzstan' is what happens when you've already named all the other countries and you have left over letters.
@lafpgh: He insulted my sister, and I let it slide. He insulted my mother, and I let it slide. Then...he insulted my tweets.