@ruinedpicnic: Humans pretend to be smart but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we're suddenly gonna have x-ray vision
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@jackiembouvier: I can tell Spring is almost here because I'm on the verge of wanting to kill myself but I'd also like to plant some bulbs.
@gitson_shiggles: If people on Twitter found a horses' head in their bed at least 3/4 of them would get a selfie with it before calling the cops.....
@KoKeniSasquatch: Teenagers. Can't live with them. Can't get rid of them without bringing the cops around.