@ruinedpicnic: Humans pretend to be smart but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we're suddenly gonna have x-ray vision
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@BGH70: The company CEO gives a few words of personal appreciation each year at the holiday party. I got, "Oh, you're still here?"
@PersianCeltic: Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
@MrRamBillings: One time I was so high, my flatscreen fell off the wall and I thought it was just part of the movie.
@KalvinMacleod: I accidentally took an extra step when I reached the top of the stairs and now I'm in a marching band.