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@sixfootcandy: HUSBAND: Do we have any cake toppers?
ME: Yes, it's called frosting.
@MindyFurano: my ex has had a really hard time moving on. from what i can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
@Mr_Kapowski: [magician rolls over in bed]
"Last night was amazing"
Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast?
Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]
@_ElvishPresley_: They wrote "Kevin" on my coffee cup lol how do you get "Kevin" from "David” not to mention they got my order completely wrong
@Owl_Meat: The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti