@SNStone: Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
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@WhatevaConc: People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille.
@GingerHotDish: I'm not saying the character Merida was modeled after me, but I too would rather win an archery contest than be married.
@SteelFontana: Bad: Getting bit by a spider... Worse: ...inside your mouth... Worst: ...while making out with someone.
@GensPlace: We took the animals for a walk and saw a sign: 'Dogging area, please control your animal and pick up their faces...'