@ramblinma: Husband [through locked door]: "I know you're up, I saw your instagram post."
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@LinajkReturns: Talking with a 17 year-old who is 'living life with no regrets' reminds me of that time I got in a shouting match with a trout.
@outsmartedmommy: What's for dinner? -A question asked by children who have no intention of eating the answer.
@maisonwithapen: [mom knocks on my bedroom door] HER: are you modest? ME: well I'm no big shot but my jokes do ok on Twitter HER: ok I'm coming in