@Jandalize: I accidental typed sinroof instead of sunroof and I may have just invented the greatest thing ever.
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@IvyelleWright: Him: "I killed the spider for you. He suffered." Me: ( slowly turns around in swivel chair) "Splendid."
@wendchymes: It might be time to diet when you ask Siri to call your " boyfriend" and she dial's up Domino's pizza
@nbadag: WIFE: please come out of there so we can talk ME: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where? WIFE: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft
@bobvulfov: FRIEND: do u want to hang out this weekend ME: generic excuse FRIEND: did u just say "generic excuse"