@justaride: I accidentally answered the phone with my last name and got promoted to homicide detective
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@caliluvgirl77: Grabs intercom: ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO JOIN MY MILITIA, STAY HERE! WE ARE GOING TO OCCUPY THIS OLIVE GARDEN UNTIL I GET MORE BREADSTICKS
@Kennedydp5: I always draw track marks on my arms and cough a lot when visiting family so that no one asks me to hold their baby or help prepare food.
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early? Me: Because we have had enough of you for today