@justaride: I accidentally answered the phone with my last name and got promoted to homicide detective
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@TastyTuneTweets: Go ahead lady, call the cops. I have witnesses that say your toddler started it.
@brennadine: [In line at Starbucks] [Woman behind me talking] I work in an office with 50% men so- [Excitedly turn around] OMG YOU WORK WITH CENTAURS
@stealingyergirl: [first day as a psychic] Boss: You're fired. Me: Man, I did not see that coming. Boss: And now you know why.