@SteveSuckington: I accidentally caught my nuts in a barbed wire fence and now I'm the frontman of a Maroon 5 cover band.
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@cmfh111: my daughter said her hand hurts when she moves it, her brother said "stop moving it then." my work here is done.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What did you do at preschool? 3-year-old: We had to color inside the lines the WHOLE time. Me: 3-year-old: I need to lie down.
@est1975blog: I didn't realize how parenting had changed me until I was walking by my 7yo with an ice cream sandwich down my pants so he wouldn't see it
@korryduke: Do you smell smoke? I always say that when I fart. It makes people take a deep breath.