@Mikecanrant: I accidentally earned a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do the last time a bee flew near my face.
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@briancthayer: *throws a dead pigeon at jerk who cut me off in traffic* Wife: Hun, I don't think "flipping the bird" means what you think it means.
@HTXBlonde: "It's funny how red, white, and blue represents freedom until it's your rear view mirror flashing behind you."
@MrsMikePatton: God, grant me serenity to accept that people are ignorant, courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile & wisdom to realize murder is illegal.
@perlapell: The cancelled marathon runners should seriously run through the boroughs with supplies. I said it earlier as a joke, now I say it for real.