@YourAnMoron: I accidentally just laughed at something my 4-year-old did so now I have to pretend to laugh as she does it forty thousand more times.
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@Gooooats: Drive by shootings are just one more example of Americans being too lazy to get out of their cars.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break.
@Steven37366100: Me: I think our son is feeling ostrichsized Wife: Don't you mean ostracized? *son enters, feathered, elongated neck and legs* Me: No
@UrbanDouchebag: Wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "Actually sir, we have you on camera."