@YourAnMoron: I accidentally just laughed at something my 4-year-old did so now I have to pretend to laugh as she does it forty thousand more times.
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@Liffonmelsmork: It's getting cold in here So take off all your clothes Then we can make a fire with them
@ThisOneSayz: "So I go east? Then west? Then back east?" ~ Me, drunk and getting directions from the inflatable stick figure in front of a car dealership
@Sean_Burgundy_: Most women love it when you play with their hair in public Their husbands not so much
@ieatanddrink: Brad Pitt: Doc, did you ever see my movie "Seven" with me and Morgurt Freeman? Doctor: I think you mean Morgan Brad: Sorry, Morgurt Morgan