@YourAnMoron: I accidentally just laughed at something my 4-year-old did so now I have to pretend to laugh as she does it forty thousand more times.
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@ibid78: -Joe's coming over. "Joe from work or Joe who thinks he's the Norse god, Thor?" [the distant sound of thunder makes the guacamole quiver]
@caliluvgirl77: coworker: did you hear someone used all the charity money to buy snacks from the vending machine me: *laughing nervously* that's awful
@BryMastas: Someday, I wish Twitter will come up with a new & useful feature for once, like a sarcasm indicator for the ones who never get it.
@dhumann: Psychiatrist: "Your check bounced and was returned for insufficient funds." Me: "So how does that make you feel?"