@YourAnMoron: I accidentally just laughed at something my 4-year-old did so now I have to pretend to laugh as she does it forty thousand more times.
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: A gorgeous woman's been staring me down from across this cafe for an hour. The wildly handsome man directly behind me must be super jealous.
@RidiculousSheri: [on a date] *don't let him know you're a bird* Him: I'll drive us. I just had my car cleaned and detailed. Me: *poops all over windshield*
@Tharin_P: Whoever you are, you can't deny that Harry Potter & the Fallopian Tubes sounds like a legitimate title. Don't act like you wouldn't read it.
@ClichedOut: Me: I have an imaginary gf. Therapist: U can do better than that. M: I know, it's just-- T: I was talking to her.