@YourAnMoron: I accidentally just laughed at something my 4-year-old did so now I have to pretend to laugh as she does it forty thousand more times.
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@ohpeetie: Cop: "Can you describe the person who robbed you?" Me: "He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee"
@WilliamAder: To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
@cbdoubleu: Well, I've got to hand it to you. -Guy explaining how the baton works in a relay race.
@Book_Krazy: Hub: This looks delicious! I love spaghetti! Me: I know Hub: Pass the foot powder. ~and that's why I can never eat Parmesan cheese again