@WilliamRodgers: I "accidentally" washed my cellphone once, and my wife has never let me do laundry again.... Yeah Accident
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@InternetHippo: groundhog: sorry guys, 6 more weeks of winter everyone (sunbathing in february): ok
@michaeljhudson: Prank: put a bucket of water on top of the door, then shoot your roommate in the stomach. When the cops come, they get soaking wet!
@TheMichaelRock: Our laundry room flooded because an apple chunk clogged the washer hose. Go ahead, have kids. They have pocket apples.
@UncleDuke1969: Jim: I'm totally spacing out on a word. Me: OK J: What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink? M: Linda.