@WilliamRodgers: I "accidentally" washed my cellphone once, and my wife has never let me do laundry again.... Yeah Accident
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@fro_vo: a bunch of people at a school dance waiting to get a drink that's it. that's the punch line
@fuzzlime: Men fantasize about me, women want to be me and children obey me! [wakes up on bathroom rug]
@michaeljhudson: Whoops, pizza sauce on my hands. Better wash this off with soap and water. Oh poop on my ass? I'll just use this dry paper and call it good.
@awkwardphilippe: Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de brie