@AZHORSEMOM77: I act really tough for a person who spent $40 on cookies I dont like because a girl scout was crying
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@elvisknievil: If you ever need 15 minutes of peace and quiet from texting, tell her to send a selfie.
@MatCro: [doctor's] INVISIBLE MAN: Am I cured doc? DR: Your tests are all clear IM: Is that good? DR: [talking to wrong empty chair] I'm not sure
@DothTheDoth: Dear diary, although he was a malevolent killer, the headless horseman was really well dressed. My emotions about this are confusing.
@Reverend_Scott: Thinking about having kids? Buy a plant. If you can keep it alive for 18 years, hopefully you're too old to have kids by then.