@SaraMansford: I added broccoli to my kid's Mac n Cheese and now he's sitting in a spinny chair, petting a hairless cat and plotting his revenge.
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@abbycohenwl: Me: What's your dad do? Kid: My dad? He's an actor Me: Why? Couldn't you get a real dad?
@rohunsharma__: joe : you pin his arms and i'll- barack : .... barack : no joe joe : it'll be so easy come o- barack : i said no
@WeissBrandon: Apparently, "I just assumed" is a horrible answer when your wife asks you why you bought her the "heavy flow" tampons.
@Up2Long: Didn't want cats ... had 2 cats. Didn't want marriage ... got married 2 times. Ok Karma ... I'm on to you. I don't want a million dollars