@genehunter1: I always blurt out, "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND" in my best Al Pacino Scarface accent when I stand next to a stranger at a urinal.
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@Thynebear: [Talking w/Doc] The wife wants to try period sex "Seems unsanitary to me" I dont think u understand- *wife bursts in wearing medieval armor*
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What sound do dogs make? 3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses? 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs? 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.
@Mothpete: I just sprayed hair glitter onto a fly instead of insect spray. Not dead... but pretty fly.