@5hael: I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@lilgapeach30: Siri just said I'm looking for love in all the wrong places so I'm tryin to figure out what happened to Siri and how my mom got in my phone.
@thesulk: "Wanna pop a xanax in the Civic and kayak with mom and dad at noon?" "Can't. Scared." "Of the water?" "No. Palindromes."
@batkaren: I'm on the steak diet. You just have four steaks for breakfast, four for lunch, then a sensible dinner of six steaks.
@thatUPSdude: Cop: Reason I pulled you over was you were swerving Me: Sorry was tryin to catch a Pokémon Cop: Which one!? I mean let me see your license