@joeljeffrey: I always carry a piece of paper with me, just in case someone tries to attack me with a rock.
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@Bagyants: Her: How do you get girls? Me: I'm smart and funny. Her: That works? Me: No I'm terribly alone, I was just saying.
@GensPlace: Spiders have it about right. If he doesn't bring her a snack when he courts her it's curtains..
@jazmasta: "Ugh! Dave is coming to dinner" "Wait, Dave Jones or Dave who impersonates police cars?" [long silence] [hears faint sirens in the distance]
@SCbchbum: Friend: I want a baby. Me: Remember when your neighbor was practicing the clarinet at 1AM? It’s like that, but you can’t call the cops.