@Cheeseboy22: I always cary a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say, "I like your haircut", I can respond with, "Thanks. Here, have some."
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@carlyken: "I'd like one personal pizza please" Pizza: Your life's a mess. You should lose 10 pounds. Call your mother. "Whoa maybe not that personal"
@samalmightysam: -Honey, what made you fall in love with me? -Your mother. -But my mother lives 5000 miles away. -That's why...
@DadandBuried: I feel like landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children.
@qwertying: "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."