@Bmittone: I always feel bad for seedless watermelon because what if they wanted to have babies.
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@Playing_Dad: If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he was probably really freaked out when we started
@amishschool: Political analyst said the way to defeat ISIS is to cripple them financially so maybe we can sneak into Syria and build them a Whole Foods.
@ThisOneSayz: *pops kid's balloon* *kid cries and runs away* *picks up kid's cake* Husband: wtf is wrong with you? Me: his piece was bigger!!