@Bmittone: I always feel bad for seedless watermelon because what if they wanted to have babies.
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@mc_funbags: I'm exactly like Rocky in that, I challenge people to fight while I'm slurring my words.
@EndhooS: Cop: Are you drunk? Me: Could a drunk person do this? *I just piss my pants* Cop: WOW. Yes actually. Me: That was supposed to be a backflip
@XplodingUnicorn: When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.
@RubenWriter: The rain is starting to worry me. I'm afraid that because I have a beard that my friends will expect me to build an ark.