@Bmittone: I always feel bad for seedless watermelon because what if they wanted to have babies.
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@matt_travelling: So is Walmart a verb now? As in, "I'm out of clean underwear, so I'm going to have to Walmart it today."
@tsm560: Me: I really don't have any bad habits to speak of. Her: So you have no bad habits? Me: No, I have plenty! Just none I'd want to speak of.
@DestineyLynn: As I was going through my wallet for a second I thought I got robbed... And then I remembered I got gas.
@krustythe_klown: [12 doctors in a meeting] alright. which one of you idiots leaked the 1 weird tip to lose weight that doctors wont tell you. IDIOTS!