@rad_milk: i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead
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@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
@jimmytorosian: *phone rings* Wife: "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me (a dad): "Hello. Yes my wife is here. Hey, Not In. It's for you." Wife: "...."
@lasergirl70: My cat that died 3 years ago got a letter saying she needs to register if she wants to vote, showing how well Florida handles elections.