@rad_milk: i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead
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@amishschool: My doctor said I can get back to my college weight if I simply go for a brisk three hundred mile walk each morning.
@adamjest: *makes doctors appointment* *arrives 20 minutes early* *waits in doctors office for 7 hours*
@trapgrampa: I remember when you could get a dozen eggs, a loaf of bread, and a gallon of milk for a nickel. now they got these damn security cameras.
@withanewname: [interview] "Says here, you like to master debate in your free time?" "Yeah, sorry, that's a typo"