@ItsAndyRyan: I always go the extra mile at work. That's why I'm a terrible taxi driver.
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@juliussharpe: Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?
@proEXgirlfriend: Telling people to ban same sex marriage cuz of your religion is like telling the supermarket to stop selling junk food cuz you're on a diet.
@PeachesMcPeach: Omg. The WiFi went off a minute ago so my kids came out of their rooms. They're getting so tall!
@ojedge: DOCTOR: "Ok, now PUSH!" WOMAN IN LABOUR: "Should I be doing this in my state?" DR: [leaning out of car window] "Less talky, more pushy."