@chrissyteigen: I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I'm murdered because I don't want him to remarry #truelove #tips
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@HonestToddler: Toddler: I don't like you. *hits* Adult: I don't like you. *tracks your movements for the rest of your life*
@JediGigi: Hot guy just walked up to me and said I was pretty so naturally I pulled out a Sharpie and drew a star on his forehead.
@Heldinchains: It's crazy how quick women are to cut each other's throats over a guy! I mean I'd understand if it were shoes....but a guy???
@DeanOkay: Wish someone would invent a device that would allow me to speak instead of having to text back and forth 30 times to get my point across.