@chrissyteigen: I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I'm murdered because I don't want him to remarry #truelove #tips
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@MrSpoonicorn: i hate it when Darth Vader puts eggs in my mailbox and then rides away on a kids tricycle
@joeljeffrey: I saw an attractive woman spank her kid in McDonalds after he threw his fries on the ground, so I also threw mine on the ground.
@LoveNLunchmeat: People judge public housing, but it's cheap and your neighbors sell you drugs so I'm not sure I see the problem...