@michaelianblack: I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated
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@catstronomical: Me: I'll take one insurance Insurance salesman: It doesn't work like that Me: *shoving $12 in his breast pocket* your best one, please
@FattMernandez: I hate horror movies where everything goes back to normal at the end. You just had a demon inside you, but yeah, let's go for pancakes.
@TheOnlyMANiC: Imagine Putting £5 worth of fuel in your car and your cars like "well, since we're both being childish" And refuses to open the door.