@JazzJazzybc: I always said I'd never chase after a man, but the older I get, I seriously consider power-walking after one.
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@QwertyJones3: [gynecologist making small talk during an exam] DOCTOR: So you're in the military? HER: Yes DOCTOR: Well thank you for your cervix
@DevilryFun: I do my best speed walking when I'm trying to beat another customer to the checkout at the liquor store.
@bourgeoisalien: We can't afford a Trump presidency. The money spent alone on hundreds of new White House door knobs for his wee-baby hands would bankrupt us
@RobDenBleyker: I hope when the Avengers meet Spider-Man they give him shit for not helping when NYC got attacked.