@JazzJazzybc: I always said I'd never chase after a man, but the older I get, I seriously consider power-walking after one.
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@KizerBillhelm: Satan: you can spend eternity in hell OR you can go to work for the first time in 5 days. Me: hmmm Satan: well? Me: IM THINKING, DAMN IT
@JoParkerBear: Kanye West tweeted that Bill Cosby is innocent? This is the last straw. He just lost my vote in 2020.
@DirtMcTurd: One difference between Men & Women is nicknames. Woman: This is Michelle, we call her Shelly Man: This is Johnny, we call him Long Nuts
@MartaEffing: *sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*