@Sean_Burgundy_: I always try to hold in my sneezes so I don't give someone a reason to talk to me
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@joeldanger: Guys with ponytails are clearly vampires because there's no way you can actually see yourself in a mirror & still think that looks good.
@lloydrang: Will I. Am's headstone will read "Will I. Was," completing history's longest set-up to a punchline
@3sunzzz: H: Well, the remote was definitely broken, so I went and bought a new one. Me: H: Oh, and it came with this 75" television.