@aaronnemo: I am a kid at heart and a 52 year old coal miner at liver.
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@decentbirthday: Just heard local reports of a stalker, which is funny because I watch everyone through their windows and none of them look suspicious
@Brianhopecomedy: *grabs knife, cuts forehead, lies on floor* Wife walks in: "WHAT HAPPENED?" "A burglar came in right when I was about to clean the house"
@QwertyJones3: Me: Oh my god, that cat is adorable! She's the cutest kitty I've ever seen! Cat: I just want to be friends.
@david8hughes: [painting a picture of the last supper] "Who's that?" "Darth Vader." "Was he 1 of Jesus disciples?" "I dunno, I've only seen the 1st movie."