@aaronnemo: I am a kid at heart and a 52 year old coal miner at liver.
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@TheWeirdWorld: A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
@er0tikka: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. I would like you to join my professional network on LinkedIn.
@Holy_Mowgli: TSA agent: I'm sorry we don't allow liquids over 3.4 ounces me: ok I'll finish it here [drenches myself with Axe deodorant]
@LostFelicia: My new sunglasses blend perfectly with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head.