@JermHimselfish: I am constantly putting things where they don't belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people.
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@thejessbess: Hey Guinevere *knight flips up his visor* Hast thou considered my proposal? Because *unsheathes blade* I'm sword of a big deal.
@TheCatWhisprer: Telling my toddler not to chase the cat around with her nunchucks is easily the coolest thing I've ever said as a dad or a human.
@astutenewf: YOU SHOULD BE CALLED JEHOVAH'S FITNESS! I yell as I lose my breath chasing them down the street.