@wendchymes: My Boyfriend hates it when we role play and I'm the Doctor cause I make him wait 3 hours bill him then send in a med student named Chad.

@gianni_bcn: *Dies and goes toward the light* Light: "I have a boyfriend"

@anymysha: Thanks to a hangover, I was the douche wearing sunglasses inside the airport today.

@: Tired of not knowing if I should swipe my credit card, insert the chip or punch myself in the face.

@hiitsmolly: "I could probz bench press, like, five of you"-me talking to a cool squirrel I just met