@Home_Halfway: "I am doing well." - Russian man having sex with a well
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@LurkAtHomeMom: The good news is, it turns out there is literally nothing we can say here that will ruin our chances at a political career.
@sexypitabread: 2015:hey how's it going so far? 2016:uh good 15: 16: 15:you've got an armed mili- 16:we've got an armed militia in a wildlife building, yeah
@Dawn_M_: The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
@Sarcasticsapien: Even though my dad is a Trump supporter I let him borrow my car because I'm a good person. I mean, I'm going to report it stolen, but still.