@TheTweetOfGod: I am not a parody account. I am The Lord thy God, King of the Universe, and I am communicating by Twitter because My fax is broken.
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@drunktweets81: My life is like a beautiful piece of furniture from IKEA. Once I figure out how to put it all together, I may get to actually enjoy it.
@AlcoholAndTacos: Trump has so many failed businesses, if he wanted to shut down abortion clinics, he should have just put his name on one
@jdbalani: The self checkout lane was probably invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.