@TheVulgarVag: i am practicing how to die in photogenic positions
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@jwoodham: "You have a date? With who?" [Sees a fishing boat] "Uh, her name is Net..." [Sees someone with a booger] "Flicks! Net Flicks! Wait. Dammit."
@realHamOnWry: If you're lost in the forest start talking about politics. Someone is sure to show up to argue with you.
@causticbob: I said to my wife, 'Hey, I really love these new furry condoms.'' 'Bob, that's a cat.'