@ninjadinosaur1: 'I am your God, and now it is night!' I say as I turn the fish tank light off.
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@lovemydogduck: Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car.
@withanewname: "Yes mam that'll be $1200" "Just to remove a cassette tape that's stuck?" "Ma'm, it's in your CD player"
@GlennWool: when the news anchor says "if you know anything about the crime please contact police" dont call the police and re-tell the news story
@seamussaid: I wake my daughter up by tossing pebbles at her window so the first time a suitor tries she'll have the same response we do to alarm clocks