@ninjadinosaur1: 'I am your God, and now it is night!' I say as I turn the fish tank light off.
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@TheCatWhisprer: Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday.
@Lunatic_times: It might be a sign you have a drinking problem when the cashier at the liquor store asks if you own a bar.
@AndDesist: I regularly have gold plaques and 1st place ribbons made up for my liver so it knows just how much I appreciate all it's hard work.
@dave_cactus: HER: Are you free Friday night? ME: Let me check my colander. HER: Your... ME: *checking* Nope, sorry, I'll be making spaghetti.