@TravZA: I answer private number calls with: "Rent a Gent hello"
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@gruffybeard: Her: Why is every chocolate in the box half eaten? [Flashback to me biting every piece to find one I like] Me: We have a rat problem.
@Reverend_Scott: DAD: My daughter ran away [hands him old photo] DETECTIVE: You have a recent photo? DAD: [shows him 9,674 selfies with the dog filter]
@FaisalAdam_: I got kicked out of the procrastinators club when I showed up for our first meeting..
@NickBossRoss: Are we sure that we're supposed to look for a human to settle down with? Cause I'm discovering I have much more in common with this blanket.