@Matt_The_1st: I applied for a loan from the U.S. Government, but was turned down because I had a legitimate repayment plan
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@pmclellan: Despite my rock and roll lifestyle, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die via punctured gums from a tortilla chip.
@RdrJay47: I'm sorry I said the Nazis were also a party when you invited me to celebrate your kid's first birthday.
@Elizasoul80: Trump, 2 years into his presidency: "What do you mean we can't just file for bankruptcy?"
@_troyjohnson: Worst idea you’ll ever have is oiling your 4 year-old’s squeaky bedroom door. Congratulations, you just made a ninja.