@Matt_The_1st: I applied for a loan from the U.S. Government, but was turned down because I had a legitimate repayment plan
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@scenesfromahat: As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
@murrman5: [kidnapper hands wife phone] "brent" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED
@Henry_3k: Carefully choosing my grocery check out line based on the back of who's head I want to beam hate into for the next 15 minutes.