@StellaRtwot: I appreciate when aerobic instructors say "Don't forget to breathe" because I sometimes forget and then I die.
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@rickolantern: *replaces cream in doughnuts with mayo, tries not to laugh as Frank from accounting eats one...watches, waits, frowns as Frank goes for 2nd
@DadandBuried: Doing LEGO with my son is like assisting during surgery. 6yo: Flat gray piece. Me: Here. 6: 5 square red blocks. M: Here. 6: I said RED!
@Social_Mime: This guy poured his box of raisinets directly into his bag of popcorn at the movie counter. After my initial shock I bowed to him.
@MelvinofYork: At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.