@Storminika: I asked a blonde friend to check if my blinker was working, her reply was 'Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not.'
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@offbeatoliv: I think that as a reward for losing 200 lbs you should be able to use all of that loose skin to become a human version of a flying squirrel.
@nonsensetwit: If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled.
@SatansTongue: *Sleeping Beauty gives rotten apple to Obama* *Obama faints* Only a kiss from his one true love will save him *Biden takes out lipstick*