@GingaSnapppa: I asked a millennial why she spent so much money on her wedding. She said you only get married once, then I laughed and laughed.
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@outsmartedmommy: Me: Ugh how can people live like this?! Him: This is our house. Me: What the Hell happened? Him: We had kids. Me: Oh. Right.
@iGreenMonk: There is a new app. that tells you how smarter your dog is. Here's how it works :- If you bought the app. your dog is smarter than you.
@joelycett: Flight attendant said I should exercise my legs then all of a sudden I'm 'causing a scene' and 'I didn't mean kickboxing.'
@P1ssed_K1d: I've always wanted to buy 2 coffees, take them to a crime scene & while handing 1 to the officer in charge ask, "So, what do we have here?"