@GingaSnapppa: I asked a millennial why she spent so much money on her wedding. She said you only get married once, then I laughed and laughed.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Wife: Did you want to go to Comic Con? Me: *Google searches 'Is Emilia Clarke going to be on the Game of Thrones panel at Comic Con'* "No"
@truegritrumble: Harmonicas were invented in 1932 when the worst person in the world decided he needed to organize his hot air into compartments.
@NicestHippo: [guy who named the bedroom gets home] Honey? Our son got in trouble at the learnroom. His teacher called while I was driving in my wheelsbox
@jordan_stratton: Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats--taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup.