@FatherWithTwins: I asked my 5yo not to do something, and he just smiled maniacally and nodded his head until I gave up. I'm going to try this on my wife.
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@TEXASVETERAN: My son asked me where babies come from. He so silly, babies are too young to come.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: how do you explain the long gap in your resumé? Me: I fell asleep with my face on the spacebar
@joshgondelman: Accidentally opened Excel. Decided to roll with it and get my life together. See you all never.
@Parkerlawyer: So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.