@FatherWithTwins: I asked my 5yo not to do something, and he just smiled maniacally and nodded his head until I gave up. I'm going to try this on my wife.
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@Sickayduh: [First date] Her: I'm really glad you asked me out yesterday in the park Me: *looking under table* you didn't bring your dog?
@natechartier1: Judge: I find him... not guilty *Tom Brady breathes a sigh of relief* Cop: *cuffing him* So that's where the air was, huh? We finally gotcha
@GavsonNZ: To the account who followed me while I slept and then unfollowed me before I woke. My apologies for taking a break. It won't happen again!