@LilyRoseLynn: I asked my boyfriend "How pretty am I on a scale from 9.5-10?"
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@man_spach: It's ok Apple users, I just woke up and found a surprise Nickelback album on my BlackBerry.
@VintageBabe1212: Decided to stop partying at friends houses who have toddlers... Those childproof bathroom doorknobs are absolutely hell to open while drunk.
@Jenny4ashley: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? *teleports two inches to the right*
@mejustbeth: Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I was missing, I won't go into a corn maze without a machete.