@illTortuga: I asked my Ouija board when I was going to get a girlfriend and it spelled out HAHAHAHAHA until it caught fire.
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@Ristolable: *agrees with someone online* Yeah, I agree. *disagrees with someone online* YOU'RE NOT JUST WRONG YOU'RE HITLER AND I HATE YOU FOREVER
@rolldiggity: When your date asks about your hobbies, DON'T grab her table knife in a napkin and say, "Collecting knives with strangers' prints on them."