@ItsAndyRyan: I asked my wife for an audio book and she got me an encyclopaedia. That speaks volumes.
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@OohSnapItsChris: My financial advisor told me that I could catch up on my bills if I stopped buying so much pizza. We laughed and laughed. Then I fired him.
@DadBeard: By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?
@Ristolable: I like my women like I like my coffee. I look at coffee but I am afraid to talk to it