@tartadepollo: I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box.
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@owlcity: If someone calls me a sir one more time I will literally wear a top hat and a monocle and roll my eyes so hard you will not survive.
@briangaar: Girl can I ask you a question *gets down on one knee* would you like to make $8,000 a week working from home
@meganamram: When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid