@tartadepollo: I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box.
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@1CleverGirl1: If you care about someone, even a little bit. I beg of you. Please. TELL THEM WHEN THEY HAVE SOMETHING IN THEIR TEETH.
@weinerdog4life: I like to push the "stop time" button on the microwave and walk around in slow motion until my wife calls me an idiot.
@JenniferVaz36: Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it
@Parentpains: Avoid confrontations in the work place by slashing your coworker's tires while they sleep.