@tartadepollo: I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box.
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@BradBroaddus: Wife: I want to see some snow. Me: You might get to see 3 to 4 inches tonight. Wife: I'd rather see snow.
@SirEviscerate: "What would you say is your greatest weakness?" Probably my tendency to stalk and murder people who won't hire me.
@ilovepie84: This Teenage girl gave me attitude today so I called her the "Fattest Skinny person I have ever seen" that should confuse her for a while.