@tartadepollo: I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box.
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@4handfuls: My kids always seem confident in making decisions until they have to decide which leg to put in their pants first...
@tastefactory: Worst Betrayals in History: - Judas turning on Jesus - Brutus helping to murder Caesar - Verizon guy going to work for Sprint
@Avepates: Sometimes I like to hysterically tell mall security that my infant son has gone missing just so I can show people baby pictures of myself.
@errdayhustlah: I bet Columbus was super pissed when he rolled up in the Santa María only to find Dora had already explored America.