@kylekinane: I ate a tomato slice off the carpet. And some lettuce. And some bleu cheese bits. And mushrooms. I'm saying I dropped my salad on the floor.
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@iamburtjarvis: lawyer: I haven't won a case since last year's hearing loss. me: what was the hearing for? lawyer: WHAT? me: the hearing. lawyer: WHAT?
@ThRealBallsDeep: Sorry I threw firewood at you and yelled "shoo", but with the amount of eye liner you wear, you resemble the raccoons that raided my cooler.
@Scott_A_Gilmore: Ladies, if he says he would go to the "end of the earth" for you and then he goes missing, check Finland.
@JustUnstableMe: It's like the people in this restroom don't even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU