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@chicnlil1: I basically have 3 hairstyles...
@rikpayne: People who say "Money doesn't grow on trees" don't understand the paper making process.
@hippieswordfish: everyone's always asking me 'is your son named after the movie?' and I'm like no idiot Sharknado's 5 yrs old and the movie came out in 2013
@MarfSalvador: Wildebeest: 5 cheetahs on the horizon sir
Wildebeest Sergeant: How many men do we have?
Wildebeest Sergeant: RETREAT!
@GeorgeScumbag: Remember ladies. It goes from Twitter to Kik to Voxer to cell phone number to address to being dismembered in a motel bathtub.
@DallyDoll: I was kicked out of the gym for arguing with my step aerobics instructor, but I don't care. She's not my real aerobics instructor.