@TheTweetOfGod: I believe meat is murder, vegetables are burglary, bread is mail fraud and dairy is impersonating a police officer.
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@Pundamentalism: To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.
@Aspersioncast: My doctor said I shouldn't hug people, admittedly it was 10 years ago when I had the flu but I still use that one.
@dshack8: My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
@Xoolun: My wife tells me she wants me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I'm thinking about getting her a treadmill.