@PeteBlackburn: I bet Abraham Lincoln would rather go watch another play than watch this debate.
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@juliussharpe: The NSA has been tracking phone records for Verizon customers. They skipped AT&T because those people can't complete calls.
@PJTLynch: How excited are you, on a scale from 1 to white woman who just found out that this dinner party has sangria?
@TheBeerGuy73: Teens today stuck inside all day long playing video games. In my day, we spent all day outside smoking hash oil & cigarettes with friends.
@CulturedRuffian: I scream, You scream, We all scream because grandma is visiting for Christmas and she forgot her hearing aids again.