@peteholmes: i bet all the girls say "i bet you say that to all the girls" to all the guys.
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@xysist: If Kim and Kanye name their next kid North West again, we can comfortably refer to the two as One Direction.
@BigFatNothing: A local business in my town has an open carry discount. As in, you show them a gun to save money. Doesn't that discount apply everywhere?
@bridger_w: When I die, please bury me wrapped in a sheet. That way I won't have to look for one when I become a ghost
@longwall26: Me: I want to buy this chicken Farmer: Ok. Gonna take him home and eat him? *imagines self fighting crime with new chicken buddy* Me: Yes