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@donni: I bet ducks would love bananas if they knew about bananas.
@MrIceMachine: Mind: Does a flying dream sound good tonight?
Mind: Horrific shadow demon it is.
Me: But I thought-?
Mind: Don't worry, it can fly.
@FunnyIsFamily: My parenting style can best be described as "Go help your sister."
@stockejock: I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys.
@thecrabbyhook: To avoid "the talk" I just convinced my 6yo that we got her from Amazon.
@PaperWash: 6'5" guy: [starts a fight with me at the bar]
me: [hides behind GF]
GF: HEY, WHAT THE F-
me: look, we need more strong female lead char-