@JordanPeele: I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.
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@E_lok44: Me: What kind of stupid phone you got there? Him: Windows phone Me: Oh [takes it and lobs it out the window] Yes it is
@bazecraze: The whole purpose of travel is to return home and discover what your house actually smells like.
@ShockTartBionic: I'm like Jason Bourne, only I'm not looking for exits in each room.. I'm looking for outlets & phone chargers.
@KraftDinerr: I literally never cry, so my body makes up for it by leaking out of different places. My doctor says it's called "peeing" what a dumb idiot.