@JordanPeele: I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.
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@brendohare: Ants can lift something 50 times their body weight. Wow. That means you can lift a leaf. Cool. I could do that when I was 14. Tiny idiots.
@NicestHippo: [college ad] High schoolers: You've sat in a chair for 4 years. How would you like to do that again, but this time at enormous cost to you?
@JoeBerkowitz: The worst part about killing baby hitler is when you come back and everyone says "who?" but you still killed a baby.