@JordanPeele: I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.
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@TheTweetOfGod: When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law.
@joeheenan: I've discovered my home doesn't have a basement. It was just the estate agent doing that walking down the stairs thing behind the couch
@BlondAmbitionTO: I hate when people call and say they're 10 minutes away for a "drop-by surprise visit" and I have to set fire to my house.
@Marlebean: *interrupts your heartfelt story* Oh NOW I hear your New York accent!! Say "dying wish" again! Ok now say "coffee"!