@breeinthestee: Yay it's payday!
*pays bills
That was short lived.
@theBlatherskite: I put my pants on just like everyone else: reluctantly.
@AnOrangeSNES: The chef asked me how I liked my eggs and I accidentally said uneasy instead of over easy. Now I have some uncomfortable eggs staring at me.
@Quartzjixler: Speed dating
(Don't say anything embarrassing)
"So do you ever eat raisins and then later poop rehydrated grapes?"
(DAMMIT!)
@eedrk: Girl: Some1 in my house can't call 911 they'll hear me pls help.
Me (after waiting 20 minutes to text back so I don't seem desperate): hey
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