@Mothpete: I bet if Aquaman and Jesus had a fight, Jesus would walk all over him.
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@maxhaarhaus: Interviewer: it says here your interests include connecting people Me: correcting people, actually I: no it's- Me: i know what it says
@TheRolo: Wife: I think we need a break. *Titanic crashes into iceberg* Husband: THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? Wife: Yes.
@MatCro: [4 strangers are smearing their bodily fluids on each other] [one turns to camera] "There has to be a better way." VOICEOVER: "Hot tubs."
@anagramps: *hot lady looks at me* Me: Hi! Do I know you? Lady: No I think I'm mistaken. *awkward pause* Me: So...is there a mister taken? *hit by bus*