@KalvinMacleod: I bet if Bruce Banner had children he'd be the Hulk more than 90% of the time.
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@weinerdog4life: Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.
@delusions_of: Leonardo DiCaprio keeps breaking into my dreams trying to sell me life insurance.
@jackiembouvier: [First date] Me: So, I've been married for 12 years - Him: You're married?? Me: Is that a problem?
@GrantTanaka: me: so what, you're gonna be angry at me for the rest of your life wife: no, the rest of yours