@KalvinMacleod: I bet if Bruce Banner had children he'd be the Hulk more than 90% of the time.
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@2tickytacky: He told her that trees blossom in her presence. What he meant was that she scares the sap back up into them.
@AnkCoupleTO: Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented
@iamkevinito: Last night my wife got pissed because I kicked the ice cubes I dropped under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.
@serialmatrix: I bought a Christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself.I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room."